Saturday, July 8, 2017

Stage 7 Troyes / Nuits-Saint-Georges - Kittel by a Bee's Pixel

Stage 7 and on another hot one the riders set out from Troyes for a long day in the saddle to Nuits-Saint-Georges.

Out of the kitchen (because that’s where he always seems to be these days) Gabs was trying out the famous Dijon mustard and the pinot noir and chardonnay of the Burgundy region. He’s out of Champagne and into Burgundy. Hmm, this is beginning to sound like a three week bender.

On the road and Maxime Bouet, Manuele Mori, Yohann Gène and Dylan van Baarle made what looked like a doomed breakaway with Lars Bak at the front of the peloton leading the chase.

Why Lars Bak at the front? Because, in his words he’s, “so beautiful” and modest too. Gotta hand it to him, Lars Bak has got more front than Myer.

The kilometres rolled on and this was shaping up to be the dullest stage so far. Sure there were some vaches to look at, the odd clock field art but it took a couple of classic Citroen 2CVs racing alongside the peloton on a field to raise even the mildest of interest in the couch peloton.

Good thing there wasn’t a ditch in the way of the Citroens – if they’d hit at speed they’d break the ditch.

Robbie had checked the weather forecast and it’d only been for mild winds across the open fields. His ‘Inspector Gadget’ head said otherwise and started to worry that the caravan of commentary might blow away.

The winds were starting to play havoc in the peloton but the riders managed to huddle together. It was a struggle up front and Robbie noted one rider was, "doing a job but his work is cut out". Um Robbie, let me correct you, it’s ‘job of work’? Mattie noted an, “enormous amount of work”. Sorry Mattie, have to pull you up on that one, respect please for the ‘job of work’.

It’s getting increasingly harder for the sprint teams to get up front which according to Mattie is,"like getting a booking at a Michelin starred restaurant". Looks like SBS is paying too much to Mattie.

Pretty soon Mattie was getting bored and started commentating on a soccer match with a, “deep into the second half but it's still nil-all'.

Sometimes I think the design of the parcours is more to test the resolve of the couch peloton than the riders themselves.

Pixelated Kitteh.

And just as the couch peloton started drifting off, it was startled from its micro-sleep by the Troll DJ standard ‘Moving Right Along’ from The Muppets. Ah The Muppets, remember Phil and Paul? Neither do I, just kidding!

As the sprint teams got themselves organised the wind appeared to swing to the rear and calm down allaying fears of another errant umbrella incident.

At 15km to go the riders passed some startled hay bales, the peloton was gaining rapidly on the breakies with the four carrying on attacking like fighting fish until the inevitable catch at 6km to go.

Charging into Nuits-Saint-Georges, the lead out men delivered the sprinters to the line and PHOTO! 

Mattie and Robbie called it Kitteh by a whisker but on the photo it looked like a dead heat between the German and the Wonderful Boasson Hagen.

Robbie’s Inspector Gadget head observed Kittels tyre was in front by a ‘bee’s pixel’, but it was up to the judges to decide if it was Kittel by a bee's pixel or Boasson Hagen by a Higgs Boson particle.

After some time the verdict was in, and Kittel claimed his third stage victory and the green jersey.

A dull stage capped off by a thrilling victory – there’s something new every day at the Tour.

I’ll leave you with a poem:

Lars Bak
More front than Myer
The couch peloton
Began to tire
Kittel by a bee's pixel?
Or Boasson Hagen
By a Higgs Boson particle?

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