With the
gruelling Pyrenees out of the way the peloton had a 208.5km ride on flat roads
in beautiful south west France between Maubourguet Pays du Val d'Adour and
Bergerac.
Now the Tour is
nearing the end Gabriel Gate wanted to do something special for the riders and
make good use of the local dry white wine Bergerac is famous for so he prepared
Quail with Grapes and Chestnuts. 100ml of the wine went into the dish, the
remainder into chef. The recipe calls for two big tablespoons of butter pushing
the Beurremetric Counter through the 1kg barrier to weigh in at a thumping 1.12kg.
The peloton passed safely through the town of Condom but
this race was by no means a dead rubber. Tour fans had waited patiently for
nearly three weeks and Troll DJ finally delivered with the Les Vaches du Tour
anthem ‘Cows with Guns’. The Twitterverse exploded in jubilation. AT LAST, COWS
WITH GUNS!!! The Jaws theme montage of Asstana’s Vincenzo Nibali (his nickname
is ‘The Shark’, get it?) was pretty good too. All we need to cap off the Tour
is ‘Hocus Pocus’ by Focus.
Awesome
Beards have been quite the fashion this season and we’ve
seen everything from the flavour saver to full on bushranger. Paul added that
to grow a full set beard in the navy you’ve got to get permission from the
captain. Well, that’s handy to know if you’re planning on joining the navy any time
soon but utterly useless in the context of a bike race.
Apart from the Cows with Guns vaches montage our bovine
friends were pretty thin on the ground when all of a sudden a real elephant
appeared at the side of the road. I wonder if technically it passes as a vache?
They are referred to as bulls and cows you know. Phil thought it might be a
good time for a trunk call. Paul was worried about the elephant being poached. Not
to worry Paul, we couldn’t find a saucepan big enough and besides I prefer my
elephants fried. Phil and Paul thought the elephant was there because the
circus was in town. Clearly it was not from the one in the commentary box.
Paul recalled how Andrew Talansky (Sharmin-Garp) nearly
withdrew on the road earlier in the Tour. Talansky had stopped in front of the
SAG wagon and the Directeur Sportif had to nurse him through the race to
complete the stage. I don’t know about you but whenever I hear Paul talk of a
directeur sportif nursing a rider through a stage I get a disturbing image of
man boobs...
A scandal bigger then doping erupted during the stage. The
Les Vaches du Tour team was excited by initial reports that came crackling in
over race radio of vaches by the Chateau de Monbazillac. Eagle-eyed bovine
spotters armed with high powered binoculars had their suspicions. FAKE VACHES! I
just knew it! Those vaches by the chateau looked too perky and pert to be real.
Back to the race and it just wasn’t Marcel Kitteh’s (Giant-Shimano)
day. First he had a puncture which Phil declared happened at best time. Phil,
there’s NEVER a BEST time for a puncture, especially when you’ve left your
repair kit at home and it’s a really long walk. Then Kitteh came down in a crash with
Peter Sagan (Cannonball) and we believe with a gorilla that rides for
Lotto-Belisol and goes by the name of Andre Griepel.
In the end Ramunas Navardauskas (Sharmin-Garp) prevailed.
Earlier Troll DJ played the Lego Movie earworm ‘Everything is Awesome’ and
everything turned out awesome for Navardauskas who notched up Lithuania’s first ever
Tour stage victory.
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