Stage 10 Mulhouse / La Planche des Belles Filles - Boom, Boom And Out Go The Lights

Well, what can we say, what a dramatic stage. We always knew this would be really tough on the final day of the Tour’s foray into the Vosges Mountains before a well earned rest day. The 161.5km rollercoaster route had no less than seven categorised climbs with four tough cat 1 climbs and gradients that ramped up to as much as 20% in places.

But we begin as usual in the kitchen and Gabs whipped up a Red Fruit Gratin with Pear Liqueur. First rider across the line gets to eat the cherry on top. Dairy is represented in the grilled custard-cream but what, no butter? After a reasonable start the Beurremetric Counter has plateaued on 500g. Clearly Gabs has some work to do before the Tour reaches Paris.

The talk of the day was Sinkoff -Taxo’s Alberto Contador’s (yes, got his name right this time) crash and exit from the Tour. What happened was not clear. Initially it was thought his bike split in two mid-flight. In another version of events the bike broke when it hit the deck leaving a 70m long skid mark. Then the story grew to a T-Rex stomping on the bike smashing it to smithereens. Or was the CIA involved? Did the shots come from the book depository or the grassy knoll?

No, not that T-Rex

Well, if the real explanation is a choice between a conspiracy or a stuff up it’s usually a stuff up and a mundane one at that. As it turns out he was eating an energy bar at the time and with one hand on the handle bar lost control hitting a pothole.

Tough on Bertie, but that’s bike racing. He broke his shin bone and even then rode on for another 20km before abandoning. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery for the Vuelta.

The other story of the day was Mega Farmer-Quick Stop’s Tony Martin and his amazing ride. He showed just why he’s called ‘Panzerwagen’ as he worked hard up front to the top of the second last climb before Paul Sherwen declared, ”Boom, boom and out go the lights”. Remarkable after his solo effort of the day before.

Rockin’ Rodriquez (Katusha Rockets) showed what he’s made of by going on the attack in the final 5km. Vincenzo Nibali (Asstana) was clearly not happy to see yellow on someone else’s back so charged up the hill to catch Rodriquez with a little over 1km to go. And with that Nibs flew up that nasty little 20% ramp at the finish to take the stage, the yellow and the cherry on top.

Stage 1 Leeds / Harrogate - Ee by Gum, it's the Tour de France!

As sure as tax time, the Wimbledon final and dubious ‘Christmas in July’ events, the Tour de France has rolled around once more for the 101^st edition of the great race.

Gabriel Gate returned with his tenth Taste Le Tour series. He kicked off not with Yorkshire pudding as you might expect but with Rhubarb andStrawberry Fool. Apparently 80% of England’s rhubarb comes from the Yorkshire ‘rhubarb triangle’, not to be confused with the infamous Bermuda triangle or pedaling in triangles. The recipe fails to budge the Taste Le Tour ‘Beurremetric Counter’ (yes, it’s back) but what it lacks in butter is made up in mascarpone and whipped cream from the other end of the dairy cabinet.

198 riders from 22 teams lined up for the Grand Depart from Leeds, Yorkshire to Harrogate on 190.5km of narrow twisty dry stone wall lined roads typical of the Yorkshire countryside.

First day of a big occasion like Le Tour tends to bring out the nerves and the riders can thank their lucky stars race radio isn't tuned into SBS to jangle those nerves further. Yes that's right, every Tour fan’s favourite commentators Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen are back and while they weren’t commentating the scintillating dry stone wall action and blathering on about Jens Voigt’s age, they found the time to make some passing comment about a bike race that so rudely interrupted.

Paul pointed out that there’s even a festival event dedicated to the building of dry stone walls and you just know he’s going to go ape when he pops in on Sunday morning. I suspect though if these walls could talk they’d be saying, “Shut up Paul”.

If these walls could talk

The cow spotting in the hills and dales of Yorkshire was pretty abysmal. Have to hand this stage to the sheep who were out in vast numbers, some sporting leader jersey colours. You could say they are the real dyed-in-the-wool Tour fans. And the explanation for the profusion of mouton? This could either be the result of a secret breeding program or the people of Yorkshire paid Somali pirates to hijack a livestock ship bound for the Middle East.

Yorkshire looked gorgeous and no one’s quite sure if it was the rare sunshine or the Tour that accounted for the enormous turn out of spectators. Paul observed (because he counted them) there were Super Bowl sized crowds in every town along the route. Thankfully no wardrobe malfunctions in the peloton and Wills made doubly sure Kate was properly dressed for Yellow jersey presso.

Tour officials also made doubly sure the Orica-GreenWEDGE team bus was parked well away from the finish line. It was the sprinter’s time to shine and didn’t disappoint in a thrilling finish that saw Marcel Kittel (Giant-Shimano) take the stage and yellow.

No word on whether Mark Cavendish (Mega Farmer-Quick Stop) will race who blamed no one but himself for a crash short of the finish line that also took down Simon Gerrans (Orica-GreenWEDGE). Gerro seems OK apart from bruises and some lost skin but I suspect the Liege-Bastogne-Liege winner will be giving stage 2 a real nudge with the help of his team mates.

Before I go I’ll leave you with a song I penned in honour of the great race and to ordinary riders everywhere.

Rollands (to the tune of Lorde’s Royals)

I’ve never seen a maillot jaune in the flesh

I’ve counted teeth on elliptical rings – in the movies

And I’m not proud of my progress

Just out of town, got dropped at Epping

But every rides like cog teeth, don’t chute, Sammy and his gold shoes

Blood stains, bidons, chasing down Chris Froome

We don’t care, we’re riding Cannondales in our dreams

But everybody’s like skin suits, gel packs, directeur in your earpiece

Team cars, extension bars, chamois cream in the butt crease

They don’t care, they’re not caught up in your cycling love affair.

And we’ll never be a Rollands (Rollands)

They’ll never test our blood

That kind of ride just ain’t for us

We crave a coffee buzz

Let me be your rouleur (rouleur)

Or super domestique

And baby I’ll roul, I’ll roul, I’ll roul

Let me live that fantasy.

My friends and I hit the frog and toad

We don’t count watts like the Sky train, we party

And everyone who knows us knows that where fine with this

We don’t ride for money.

But every rides like cog teeth, don’t chute, Sammy and his gold shoes

Blood stains, bidons, chasing down Chris Froome

We don’t care, we’re riding Cannondales in our dreams

But everybody’s like skin suits, gel packs, directeur in your earpiece

Team cars, extension bars, chamois cream in the butt crease

They don’t care, they’re not caught up in your cycling love affair.

And we’ll never be a Rollands (Rollands)

They’ll never test our blood

That kind of ride just ain’t for us

We crave a coffee buzz

Let me be your rouleur (rouleur)

Or super domestique

And baby I’ll roul, I’ll roul, I’ll roul

Let me live that fantasy.

Ooh, ooh, oh

We’re bigger than we ever dreamed

And we’re in love with the cycling scene

Ooh, ooh, oh

Life is great without a care

They aren’t caught up in your cycling love affair.

And we’ll never be a Rollands (Rollands)

They’ll never test our blood

That kind of ride just ain’t for us

We crave a coffee buzz

Let me be your rouleur (rouleur)

Or super domestique

And baby I’ll roul, I’ll roul, I’ll roul

Let me live that fantasy.