Stage 17 La Mure / Serre-Chevalier - Aero is Everything

Stage 17 and the Tour headed back to the stunning French Alps for a gruelling 183km from La Mure to Serre-Chevalier.

Gabs was in one of his favourite parts of France, the Savoie region to taste the finest of goat and sheep chiises. He visited the Aussie run alpine retreat and cookery school ‘Chalet Savoie Faire’ so I can strike that off my shortlist of quirky hipster cafe names.

When it comes to chiisses waiyne is never too far away and I’m not talking the uni politics club gathering with cubes of cheddar and Chateau de Cardboard served in a plastic cup.

The race got under way and the forecast was cloudy with a chance of macarons. At the 20km mark a crash brought down the polka dot and green jersey wearers Warren Barguil and Marcel Kittel before a sizable breakaway headed for the first big climb of the day the hors categorie Col de la Croix de Fer.

As the riders descended the Col de la Croix de Fer, Troll DJ rocked out to Jane’s Addiction’s ‘Mountain Song’ and so did the couch peloton whipping out their air guitars from their air guitar cases.

News crackled over race radio that Marcel Kittel’s injuries from the earlier crash were too much, forcing him to abandon the Tour. A real shame after an outstanding five stage wins at this Tour and just as the points competition was really starting to heat up with Michael Matthews narrowing Kittel’s lead to just nine points.

However, Kittel’s loss is Matthews's gain and so long as Bling can stay upright all the way to Paris the green jersey is his. I just think it’s an unfortunate way to get it, but as Mattie and Robbie point out that’s bike racing.

Rumour Mill: A story emerged in the Colombian news that Nairo Quintana was looking at a move to Team Sky or Astana. Got to admit Nairo Quinstana has a certain ring to it but Movistar dismissed the rumour.

Kittel ponders what might have been.

New French President Emmanuel Macron got a box seat in the big red car to watch the Tour and as is tradition the French head of state gets to meet the heads of state – of the Tour that is.

Macron was looking, well, very presidential but don’t you think there’s a side to him where he’d love nothing more than suiting up as a colourful vanilla buttercream filled biscuit and jump up and down at the roadside?

The riders hit the cat 1 Col du Telegraphe and you know why it's called that? It’s called the Col du Telegraphe because by the time you reach the top the legs are sending a message to the brain to FUCKING STOP STOP.

The 12km climb up the Telegraphe was beginning to hurt and Robbie observed a lot of ‘goldfish style breathing’ as the air became thinner and there was still the 2,642 m Col du Galibier to go.

This stage was do or die for the GC contenders who, according to Robbie,"give you nothing, take you nowhere".

Former Tour champion Alberto Contador searched and found some of his old form and hope sprang eternal for Bertie as he sniffed out a possible stage win.

Following the short descent of the Telegraphe, the road headed skyward for another 18 km up the hors categorie Col du Galibier, the highest point of this year’s Tour.

One by one riders and the peloton began cracking and I always wonder if that coloured smoke you see from the roadside is from a flare or a rider blowing up.

Robbie saw some riders had their shoulders almost up to the ears. Wrist bone connected to the shoulder, shoulders almost up to the ears - the Tour is absolutely brutal on the body!

Primoz Roglic was first over the top of the Galibier and with a fast downhill run all the way to the finish in Serre-Chevalier Mattie said, "the former ski jump champion now has to float to the bottom".

Back in the yellow group and Romain Bardet was off with Chris Froome reacting to every move. ‘Barguil the Brave of Brittany’ fought on with the a bloodied knee.

'Fallible Fabio Aru' struggled with the Galibier climb and saw his position slipping from second in the GC.

Roglic's ski jumping nerves of steel and top tube were put to good use knowing the value of 'aero is everything' to solo across the line for his and Slovenia's first Tour victory.

Bertie deservedly earned the most combative award and the now highly visible Rigoberto Uran moved to second behind Froome and Aru slipped into fourth overall.

Stage 15 Laissac-Sévérac l'Église / Le Puy-en-Velay - Mollema Writes a New Chapter

Stage 15, rest day tomorrow and the riders set out on a lumpy course from Laissac-Sévérac l'Église to Le Puy-en-Velay in the upper most reaches of the Loire Valley.

Prior to the race Chris Froome was interviewed about the preceding day’s stage that saw him back in yellow. He described the run through Rodez prior to the uphill finish as full of, "technical road furniture", which has got to be at least a double shot in the couch peloton drinking game.

Gabs (yes, we haven’t seen much of him lately) was up to the usual sampling waiyne and chiiises and also the green Le Puy lentils which, it was pointed out, are gluten free. Don't tell me the French are in on the ridiculous gluten free fad too? They’ll be off the butter next.

Phil and Paul stopped by for a chat with SBS. Phil noted that,"French people have fallen in love with the Tour". Well you know, it is held in France and it's only taken what, 104 editions?

Out on the road and looked like breakies too numerous to mention might have a chance. Michael Gogl was spotted and I wonder does he ever watch Gogl Box?

Tommo was bemoaning the lack of facilities and resources other TV networks enjoy including catering. SBS does a fine job because as Tommo says they do their job out of love but surely the NBC caterers invite everyone over on cassoulet night?

Field art standards had slipped somewhat with an attitude of ‘let's just hang some nice words from that stack of hay bales over there’. 3/10 for effort, lift your game!

Robbie explained as the peloton headed across the ’barren’ Aubrac Plateau that the lack of agriculture explained the lack of field art. Excusez-moi? Lack of agriculture? What do you call all the vaches and moutons?

Robbie spotted a mixed herd or have I miss heard? And wasn’t just vaches to keep things interesting, there were drystone walls too. If only to be a fly on the NBC commentary box wall...

Back to the race and Robbie watched riders working together and said there’s, "no two without three". Oh geez, Robbie, don’t even go there!

Mattie was concerned with not getting a good reading of wind direction with a lack of trees and flags. Well, you don’t need a wind sock when there's always the highly scientific lick the finger and it stick in the air method to fall back on.

It was Simon Geschke’s turn to step in front of the cameras as the man with the most lush beard in the peloton. The fashion hasn’t completely caught on in the peloton but you’ve got admire the work he puts in with careful trimming and the correct application of bespoke beard oils. Or maybe he's still getting through all the leftover boxes of (former team sponsor) Alpecin caffeine shampoo?

Jan Bugalugs took a turn in front of the camera and I must he's been quiet for a few days.

Troll DJ had the colour green on its mind inspired by a green river that flows through the area. Creedence Green Water Revival? Oh how clever! Later Troll DJ trotted out ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’ in tribute to Marcel Kittel. Yeah, it's not easy being green, just ask Lee Rhiannon and Scott Ludlam.

Troll DJ turned it’s attention to yellow and we’re not sure if Donovan's 'Mellow Yellow' was a tribute to Froome back in yellow or the nature breaks.

Stock photo

Mattie spotted the chateau with the highest elevation in France. A chateau at altitude! That’s got be triple word score on the McKeeno bingo card. However, Primoz Roglic was mentioned without the ski jumper reference. Points deducted.

The riders went through the feedzone, no silly crashes but plenty of musettes stuffed as full as a show bag when I was a kid. Just hope the soigniers remembered to slip a couple of Bertie Beetles in there.

Word from the Skybots that there’s no tension between Mikel Landa and Chris Froome in the Death Star. Landa is reportedly in total support of Chris Froome. Yeah right, like when the coach or the CEO has full support of the board.

There was the usual assortment of roadside randoms and the Citroen 2CVs were back racing the peloton over the plateau. They've been chasing the Tour all over France.

Just as sections of the couch peloton started to abandon, the race got interesting with Panzerwagen Tony Martin attempting a solo time trial from 66 km to go. Martin went at it perhaps a little too hard and looked, according to Robbie, like a ‘goldfish out of water’.

The tongue was out on more than one occasion so do we start calling him Tony Voeckler now?

Just as we thought the field art competition was wrapping up for the day an hourglass with sheep dogs and sheep was spotted. Not quite tractors dripping through the hourglass but hats off nonetheless.

Tony Martin ploughed on and on one of the descents car tyres were squealing in pursuit of Martin. Are we watching the Tour or that movie ‘Hell Drivers’?

Good to see Henk Vogels joining the commentary team for the week and presented his findings after careful analysis of the climbs - nasty but not quite filthy enough for Henk.

At 40 km to go Froome had a mechanical and no one was stopping this time. Skybot Michal Kwiatkowski gave Froome his back wheel and AG2R threw the unwritten rules out the unwritten window and lit the afterburners.

Froome had a lot of work to do to catch his rivals and limit the damage to his lead. Amazingly Landa actually started working for Froome - must have had a really stern talking too in the Death Star.

Bauke Mollema soloed away to cross the line and, in the words of Mattie, "Mollema the Dutch book week ambassador has written another chapter".

Another chapter indeed with the title 'My first Tour win'. Chris Froome takes the yellow jersey into the rest day with an 18 second lead over Fabio Aru.

Stage 9 Nantua / Chambéry - Life's a Biche

Stage 9 and the riders set out on what many regarded as the ‘Queen stage’ of the Tour and the first big hit out for the GC contenders on a huge mountain stage in the Savoie region of the Alps.

Gabs sampled the Savoie fare of the region and he made a bee line for the famous Chartreuse liquor and ginger beer for a Chartreuse mule or two.

Early in the race Robert Gesink and Manuele Mori abandoned after crashing and Mori looked to be in some distress lying on the road clutching his right shoulder. No one wants to see that but sometimes cycling can be a brutal sport.

40 km into the race the riders passed a giant creepy looking hay bale giant and the couch peloton tried to erase the memory before bedtime. Probably a good idea that the young kiddies were already tucked up in bed.

Boundary rider Ant McCrossan interrupted Orica-Scott Directeur Sportif Matt White who had been barking out instructions to the team to get in the solid foods early. What, is Matt feeding babies? I can’t wait to see him nurse a rider back into the race.

A large pack of riders arrived at the first hors categorie climb Col de la Biche and the profile suggested it would be a biche of a climb with an average gradient of 9% over 10.5 km.

Primoz Roglic was first to the top before Bugalugs, Axel Domont and Alexis Vuillermoz on a course that suspiciously looked tailor made for the French AG2R La Mondiale squad. They launched a descent that saw Geraint Thomas crash out of the Tour with a broken collar bone. At least G got to spend a few glorious days in yellow and we wish him a speedy recovery.

Way down the road and the Gruppetto was having another hard day in which a number of riders including Aussie Mark Renshaw and Stage 4 winner Arnaud Demare failed to stay within the cut off time.

With a number of crashes and a thunderstorm for the descent into Chambéry this was shaping up to be a dramatic stage. But it wasn’t all gloom and doom.

Robbie recounted the time he passed The Jensie being wrapped in bandages after a nasty crash at 80km per hour. The bike was cactus and he was given a Mavic neutral service bike. Robbie was later passed by what looked like The Mummy on a bike seven sizes too small speaking with a German accent. I think Robbie’s Jens Voigt impersonation needs a little more work though with a little less channeling of Yoda.

Thomas Voeckler took time out for a cheerio to the couch peloton and the tongue said hi too!

Fashun watch.: Did I see a sleeveless Cofidis rider collecting a bidon from the team car? Maybe he was off to audition for a remake of ‘Rumblefish’. And green rimmed clear glasses to match the Kermit green Cannondale Drapac kit?

Items of jewelry didn't escape the eyes of Matt and Robbie. Robbie noted the piece on a chain dangling from the neck of Richie Porte and noted, "the little map of Tassie goes everywhere with Porte".

It looked like more than a full week of commentating was taking a toll on the duo and the rest day couldn't come soon enough. Mattie normally doesn't miss a beat, but  'constemplating' had the couch peloton a little perplexed.

Warren Barguil was the first over the top of the second hors categorie Grand Colombier and back down the valley to be confronted by the imposing Mont du Chat (cat mountain).

The imposing Mont du Chat.

On the monster climb of the hors catogorie Mont du Chat  riders were dropping like flies. Michal Kwiatkowski Kwiatstopski and Bauke Mollema went up in a mushroom cloud.

In the yellow group the hand of Chris Froome shot up indicating a mechanical but Fabio Aru attacked, a real no-no in cycling etiquette. Oh dear, this was going to be really awkward for the Sardinian at the dinner table that evening. If Aru hadn't got the message yet he certainly did from a little dig from Froome and at that moment he was probably looking for a rock to crawl under.

The big question on the mind of Mattie of all the riders was, "how much left in the tank? E for empty or E for enough?" Alberto Contador looked like his tank was on an empty. Robbie thought Bertie's goose was cooked, well it certainly wasn't steak.

'Narrow' Quintana's chances for a Paris podium finish looked slimmer as he started falling back from the yellow group.

If reaching the summit wasn't difficult enough there was a long, tricky take-no-prisoners descent down Mont du Chat to Chambéry.

Richie Porte ran off the road in a horrible crash flew across the road collecting Dan Martin. In an instant Porte's Tour was over and the couch peloton was left speechless. A broken hip and collarbone is bad enough but it could have been so much worse.

At the bottom of the descent the twelve year old Romain Bardet got himself out front and the chase was on with the yellow group of Froome, Jakob Fuglsang, Aru and Rigoberto Uran.

Uran had a problem with his derailleur and with the help of a French McGyver from Mavic neutral service was able to go on only in fixie mode since the shifter was stuffed.

Bardet was caught a little over 2km to go from his AG2R home base in and in a sprint to the finish Uran pipped Barguil on the line.

A great win for the Colombian but there was more drama than one can take in one hit.

The rest day never looked so good.