Stage 11 Eymet / Pau - Time Not On Bodnar's Side As Kittel Makes It Five

Stage 11 and can you believe it we’re already half way through the Tour? How time flies. Another flat stage from Eymet to Pau at the foot of the Pyrenees - one, as they say in the classics, for the sprinters.

From the moment the flag was pulled into the red car Marco Marcato, Maciej Bodnar and cow-milker extraordinaire Frederik Backaert formed a breakaway. Getting into the breakaway is by now a familiar pattern for Wanty-Groupe Gobert rider Backaert – you could say he Wanty the TV time..?

Not much happened out on the flat through the fields of tournesol and corn until a crash in the feed zone near the 'Chapel of the Cyclists' at Labastide-d'Armagnac . Clearly the cycling Godz were away on a group ride with no offer of protection in the hazardous feed zone. Dario Cataldo was left with a broken scaphoid and a scare for GC contender Jakob Fuglsang who was nursing a sore wrist.

The field art followed the familiar themes of bicycles with animated wheels and clocks and OMG, A TRACTOR HOURGLASS!!! Like tractors through the hourglass...10/10 for originality!

As the race progressed the ‘cross tail’ winds, according to Matt and Robbie, were picking up slightly. I’m not sure of the significance of a cross tail wind which I interpret to mean ‘not too annoying but not all that helpful’.

Conversation turned to Nacer Bouhanni’s swing at Jack Bauer on the run into Bergerac the day before. Matt and Robbie were slightly incredulous at the punishment levelled at Bouhanni which was a one minute time penalty and a fine of 200 Swiss Francs, which according to Mattie is about the price of a sandwich at a Swiss airport.

Like...how does the saying go again?

At 30km to go Maciej Bodnar flicked the switch into time trial beast mode and soloed away. To the hum of carbon the power-house Pole was powering to Pau. Bodnar looked like he was dreamin’ but he dared to dream and who dares sometimes wins despite the odds of a rampaging peloton against him.

Meanwhile Alberto Contador’s nightmare continued with the two time Tour winner crashing with team mate Michael Gogl. Bertie just can't take a trick this Tour and it’s kind of sad to see a champion fade away.

Bodnar continued to power on to the Pau and Mattie thought he was, "spending all his petrol tickets". Petrol tickets??? And another Keenanism is born.

Robbie declared, "Bodnar is not normal" and at the front of the peloton a group of elite time trialists was chasing a time trialist and this year’s field art theme is starting to make more sense.

As the peloton headed to Pau the sprint teams were getting organised at the front but they still had to catch Bodnar. Yesterday’s winner and leader in the points competition Marcel Kittel had, according to Mattie,”been flying in economy and has moved to first class just before the cockpit". Don’t know about you about but I’ve never been able to swing an upgrade like that.

But Kittel showed he’s all class as Bodnar was denied a 200km time trial victory in the final 300 metres and the man in green sprinted to his fifth Tour win.

In the post race interview Kittel revealed the secret to his sprinting prowess, which is not about power and speed but being good at Tetris by getting the right gaps.

Chris Froome arrived safely in Pau, Kittel is in the form of his life and at the halfway mark this Tour is starting to look – predictable.

Stage 10 Périgueux / Bergerac - Kittel Sitting Pretty with Win Number Four

After a well earned rest day in Dordogne after the carnage of stage 9 in the Alps, the Tour resumed from Périgueux to Bergerac in the beautiful south west of France.

The sprinters were thankful for the flat stage after the hell of Sunday. Normally flat stage means boring but not today as the Tour made its way past gorgeous hilltop villages and more chateaux than you can point a lance at.

As the Tour choppers brought us gorgeous pictures of the chateaux, Mattie explained that Tour organisers do the polite thing and ask the owners for permission to film them. Most owners oblige and wouldn’t it be an awful job travelling the whole Tour route stopping at chateaux to chat to the owners?

Mattie noted that he spoke about 32 chateaux, a personal record and didn’t complain once about ‘not ANOTHER chateau’ after the tenth. Post broadcasting I see another career as a tour guide for Keeno.

After ten stages do I detect a little bit of tension in the caravan of commentary? As we know Mattie is very particular about neatly ordering his highlighters on his desk. Robbie dared to knock one them out of place and if there’s one you shouldn’t do is touch Mattie’s highlighters.

Mattie pressed on with his chateaux commentary and noted that the unusual ‘cliff castle’ Maison Forte de Reignac has an exhibition of torture and capital punishment – which sounds just like the Gruppetto on a huge mountain stage.

Back to the incidental racing commentary and Mattie noted the riders were ‘tapping out the tempo'. Mattie? Who taught you?

But discussion inevitably turned to the drama of stage 9. Richie Porte addressed the world from his hospital bed thanking his lucky stars injuries were not worse after the horrific crash on the descent of Mont du Chat.

Porte is vowing to be back on the bike by the end of the year, and no doubt with his level of drive and determination, he will.

The most positive story to emerge from the stage was Rigoberto Uran’s narrow win when everything was stacked him. We know he had a problem with his derailleur but it emerged he had a pesky race radio earpiece on the loose to deal with as well.

He may not be a household name but he proved to the world he’s a rider of the highest calibre, and I reckon if Rigoberto Uran's had leg fallen off in during the stage he'd still have found a way to win.

And Mattie and Robbie doffed their hats to Warren Barguil, who put in a massive effort only to fall just short to Uran and earned the most combative award. Perhaps for a huge mountain stage it should be renamed 'the most biggest job of work' award.

Not that Bergerac.

Back to the ‘battle of the chateaux’ and Troll DJ couldn't help itself but to bring out Shakin’ Stevens version of ‘This Old House'. Oh Troll DJ, you slay me!

Chateaux watch was rudely interrupted by the intermediate sprint and if we hadn’t noticed the two man breakaway of Yoann Offredo and Elie Gesbert quietly collected the points.

Good to hear Robbie’s French is coming along since last year's Tour and learnt that 'I had my legs around my neck' is French for 'turning yourself inside out'.

After Mattie ran out of chateaux to talk about it was back to the race and despite Offredo and Gesbert’s heroic effort, the two were inevitably reeled in to the peloton at 7km to go.

The sprint teams made their way up front and the peloton was moving at a leg stinging 50 to 60 km/h through the streets of Bergerac. Nacer Bouhanni did his level best to find a way to earn a disqualification by taking a swing at Kiwi Jack Bauer.

Marcel Kittel notched up his fourth win of this Tour, that's 40% of the stages so far. Chris Froome looks to stay in yellow all the way to Paris. 

And the result of Bouhanni's punch? A one minute time penalty and 200 Swiss Franc fine. 

Go figure.

Stage 5 Arras Communauté Urbaine / Amiens Métropole - Battle on The Somme

Stage 5 and the Tour route took the riders through the First World War battlefields of The Somme on a day, as they say in the classics, that was ‘one for the sprinters.’

Gabs thought he’d been spoiling the peloton a little too much in the first few days of the Tour with treats like Belgian fries and crème brûlée. Time to get healthy, so Gabs threw together  a baby beetroot and walnut salad. Knowing not everybody likes beetroot Gabs put up a sans beetroot option, which happened to be just plain walnuts. No beer either, it was strictly ghastly kale smoothies today.

Butter was a definite no, no and after a terrific start in the first stages the Buerremetric counter has been left sitting on 90g.

The riders set off to dark skies that matched the sombre mood of the day. The rain and wind made conditions a little more uncomfortable for the riders, many who might have thought this would have been an easy day in the saddle after surviving the cobbles of stage 4.

From the start Phil and Paul detected nervousness in the peloton and if their commentary could be heard by the riders on race radio this talk of nervousness would soon have turned to annoyance. Also guys, we’re well versed in the dangers of the feed zone but a feed zone lecture twice in the space of ten minutes? I guess they don’t want us to miss anything.

Only 11km into the race and a crash claimed French sprint hopeful Nacer Bouhanni who was taken away in an ambulance. Later a crash forced Jack Bauer (the Kiwi rider, not the bloke from 24) out of the race.

FDJ's performance has Tomo worried

It wasn’t only the riders who crashed. A motorcycle cop escorting the race from, according to Paul, the ‘presidential guard’ managed to hit the lip of the tarmac and fell to the side of the road. The rider seemed all right but was obviously an ex-carrot from the now defunct Euskaltel-Euskadi team who had a tendency to crash all the time.

The SBS Troll DJ couldn’t help him/herself seeing the motorcycle chute and chimed in with ‘Sound of Da Police’ from KRS One.

As the race settled down the route was a sobering reminder of the real carnage that took place on the World War I battlefields of The Somme 100 years ago as the peloton rode by monuments and cemetery after cemetery of war dead. Such a shocking waste of young lives.

Troll DJ brought us back to the race from an ad break with David Bowie’s ‘Wild is the Wind’ and we caught the end of a phone conversation between Keeno and guest commentator the Jensie. What was that about? Intrigue? Plot? Phil and Paul will want to keep a very close eye on those two.

Poor Thibaut Pinot had another shocker of a day with a crash about 24 km from the finish. Last year’s third place getter and one of France’s best hopes could not bridge the 6 minute 30 second gap.

No such worries for the Gorilla who looks like he’s getting used to wearing green. In the battle for the line all the big guns were there – Alexander Kristoff, John Degenkolb, the ‘Manx Missile’ Mark Cavendish and Andre Greipel.

Seemingly out of no where Peter Sagan surged to the line to finish just behind the Gorilla. ‘Panzerwagen’ Tony Martin hung on to the golden fleece 12 seconds ahead of Chris Froome.

Meanwhile Henk Vogels found his way back to Amiens for the post-race analysis after he was picked up by a farmer in a tractor on the cobbles. Tomo was wondering what was going on with Pinot and his FDJ team urging Henk to come out and say they were soft.

Whether Henk thought FDJ is as soft as camembert cheese we’ll never know but if FDJ wants to remain even within cooee of the podium in Paris they’ll need to HTFU quick smart.